What We Let Go Of
by The Bloody Countess
Summary: Lana Lang may love Clark Kent with all her heart, but there's someone else she knows who will love him with all her heart and soul. So she tells him that it's time to say goodbye for good.


**AN: **I really didn't want to bash Lana so much in this fic, I hope you guys understand. While she made some stupid choices and broke Clark's heart, I think that there was a part of her that really did love him, though it was a misguided kind of love. I attempted to give her a dose of maturity in this little fic, but I don't know if I succeeded. *facepalms* Oh well... The song is "Kiss Me Goodbye" by Angela Aki. Look for it on YT.

**SUMMARY:** Lana Lang may love Clark Kent with all her heart, but there's someone else she knows who will love him with all her heart and soul. So she tells him that it's time to say goodbye for good.

**WHAT WE LET GO OF**

**_You say my love is all you need to see you through  
But I know these words are not quite true_**

She looked at him from where she sat at the table, smiling back at him as they had a quiet dinner. He'd insisted on cooking, she'd made dessert and they talked about what they could do with their lives now. They'd tried to make it work this time, but somehow, things had changed. Clark told her enough times a day that all he needed was her love and he'd be okay, but the spark in his eyes just wasn't there. He smiled for her and tried to make her believe that he couldn't be happier now that she had the same abilities that he did. But was that truly what he wanted?

They probably would have been the stuff that fairytales are made of, especially now that they were saving the world side by side. He was the broad-shouldered knight whose intentions were good and just, who wanted nothing more than to do what was right for the world. She was the princess who swore to love him forever and help him in any way she could; in any way she believed was possible.

There were moments, however, when she noticed his face falling into a troubled mask, his eyes clouded with a deep sadness that she had no way of pulling him out of. If he was as happy as he repeatedly told her, would he still be brooding in the hayloft, looking out to the sky?

She tried to deny it at first, tried to believe that he was satisfied with the way their love story had come full circle. But the emptiness in his eyes that he tried to hide was threatening to spill over into a point where she knew that they would end up becoming even more unhappy and the future becoming uncertain.

And so, one afternoon, Lana Lang decided that it was time to let Clark Kent go.

**_Here is the path you're looking for; an open door  
Leading to worlds you long to explore_**

As predicted, Clark tried to reason with her and tell her that she was wrong.

"It's not your fault, Lana," he said, reaching for her hand. "I just have a lot on my mind, but it has nothing to do with you. I'm sorry for shutting you out like this..."

Looking into those endlessly blue eyes of his was making this difficult, but she had to steel herself and do what was best for both of them. She pulled her hand out of his grasp and shook her head.

"You're not shutting anybody out, Clark. You're just trying to live your life with the wrong person," she answered. "I'm not that person who deserves it and I think, deep down, you know this." Cupping his face gently with one hand, she let out a shaky breath and then dropped her hand again just as quickly. "That's why I have to leave. The last page of our story had been turned a long time ago, Clark. We were just too afraid to accept that we had our ending."

A vehement shake of the head. Denial. Blue eyes filling with confusion. "Lana, don't...don't say that --"

"-- this is the truth. I'm ready to face it. You should, too. Facing this truth will make us both stronger."

"But then finding your cure just makes it pointless!" Clark was quick to protest, even as Lana saw his resolve crumbling. She felt her eyes fill with tears, a lump coming to her throat as her heart acknowledged the pain of goodbyes. Yet a part of her felt that it was only through this final goodbye that she would prove just how strong she was. Not just for Clark, but for herself.

**_Go if you must move on alone  
I'm gonna make it on my own_**

She was not his future, no matter how much he tried to do the honorable thing and keep her with him. His future belonged with a woman who had been his friend in so many ways that made what she, herself, had offered him pale in comparison; a woman who didn't need superpowers to prove that she was a force to be reckoned with. Someone who had unconsciously wormed her way into Clark's heart -- despite her own resistance. That same woman tried to disappear from Clark's life, obviously hurt -- though denying that she felt anything for him, but Lana knew now what she'd been too blind to see before.

Lois Lane was his soulmate.

It was obvious to her now, especially when she caught those eyes of his straying towards the desk across his own. She'd caught him more than once when she visited the _Daily Planet_. In his more unguarded moments, Lana would catch him taking out a nameplate from one of his desk drawers, his fingers absently tracing the lettering. Even with somebody else occupying that place, it was always going to be Lois Lane's desk, and Clark couldn't hide how much he actually missed her presence in the bullpen. He unconsciously made his coffee the way Lois wanted, he would smile when he heard rock songs on the radio that reminded him of Lois, he paid attention to who was winning monster truck rallies, he even quoted things that Lois used to tell him -- like how there was a flavor of ice cream for every moment in your life or how important it was to always get your facts straight.

As much as his lips spoke of loving Lana Lang, Clark Kent was irrevocably, undeniably in love with Lois Lane in his heart.

And she told him so.

**_Kiss me goodbye for love's memory  
Follow your heart and find your destiny_**

"That's...not true..." His protests were feeble now, his gaze averting to the table. Lana wanted to believe that, but from where she was sitting, it seemed that Clark had already known the truth along time ago.

All the more reason she should end this properly.

"Clark, I placed you on a pedestal. I painted you to be unattainable because I felt you were special. With your superpowers, your responsibilities, I made many mistakes in how you should have been treated by keeping you at arm's length. But Lois...Lois kept you by her side all this time. And that's how I know she is everything you deserve and more. That's how I know that she's the woman you share your destiny with..."

His eyes widened as he looked up at her, filling with a quiet awe as the truth to her words started to sink in, chipping away at the walls he'd built around himself where it concerned Lois.

"I belong in your past...just as you belong in mine. I can't allow you to hurt yourself any longer by forcing yourself to stay with me," she went on to say, even as she felt the tears start to fall. He looked confused and utterly crushed, but he had nothing else to say because she held up a hand to silence him from further protesting.

"Your future...the rest of your life...belongs with her. You can trust what your heart is telling you. It's never failed you before."

The least she could do now was give him the dignity of a real goodbye. There would be no more excuses, no message on a DVD this time. Saying all she needed to say face-to-face would put all the ghosts of the past to rest and allow them both to pick up and move on. She'd seen the way people rallied around him now to support him and be there for him and she knew that he would never be alone again.

**_Won't shed a tear for love's mortality  
For you put the dream in my reality_**

It had once been her dream to be married to Clark Kent. And maybe it would always be her dream. But destiny always had other plans and Lana was not going to try and fight destiny this time, not when so many lives were at stake. The world would need a hero, a beacon of hope for the future, and Clark was that beacon. In turn, he would need somebody with unwavering faith to keep him from losing himself. Lois Lane tried to appear jaded and cynical, but Lana had glimpses of an unshakable trust in that woman's eyes. It was the kind of trust that would lift Clark higher than even he would have ever dreamed possible -- the kind of trust that Lana had failed to give.

To her, he would always be a legend beyond her reach. But now, she knew that all he had ever wanted was to have someone look beyond what he could do and see him for the man he was. In another universe, perhaps things would have worked differently and maybe they would have been more mature in handling their relationship. But they'd been too greedy and taking one too many chances in trying to make things work when it had already been doomed from the start.

Lana wiped her eyes and gave Clark a watery smile. "I'm happy I was a part of your life for a while, Clark. You filled a void in my life and I was able to dream again. But we were never meant to be."

She knew she was crying now and maybe she would cry a little more after she stepped out that door. But one thing this wonderful man had taught her was that tomorrow was always better than yesterday and that every setback in life opened the door for something more wonderful.

**_As time goes by I know you'll see this of me  
I loved you enough to let you go free_**

For his part, Clark couldn't have felt more confused. But with every word Lana spoke, he felt a weight slowly being lifted. The haze that clouded his mind cleared up and for the first time, he saw and felt what was always meant for him.

He had no reason to be afraid of being alone anymore.

"Lana..."

She placed a finger on his lips, gently silencing him as she smiled. "I'll always love you, Clark. But you would have never been completely happy with me. And I would have killed myself knowing that your heart was no longer mine. So it's time that I say goodbye..."

His eyes were filled with questions, burning, looking clearer than the sky as he clasped her wrist. "Do you mean --"

"I'll be okay," Lana replied, answering that unspoken question. "This time, I think I need to appreciate what being alone is like. It'll help put my world into perspective. But you..." She laced their fingers together one last time, hoping that the memory of his palm's warmth would burn into her system and help her through the life she was going to live, "you have been alone for far too long, Clark. It's time for you to come home."

**  
_Go I will give you wings to fly  
Cast all your fears into the sky_**

_"It's time for you to come home."_

The words echoed in his head and he suddenly felt...free. For too long, he'd imposed solitude on himself because he was painfully aware of his origins. He could never give all of his trust for fear that there would be no acceptance given to him in return. And perhaps that was the mistake he had made that had forced him into loneliness. He'd hoped - or rather, expected - Lana to accept him, no questions asked, because they loved each other and he trusted her. Yet that trust had been broken many times, until the lines had been blurred and he was no longer sure if it was the people around him that he didn't trust or if it was himself that he didn't trust.

Lois had never forced him to trust her. She'd done it slowly, one day, one moment at a time until he realized that he had her pegged wrong. Abrasive, impulsive and complicated she may have been on the outside, but her intentions were nothing but pure from the beginning. Because as much as she felt that she had the right to do things on her own time, she gave her friends that same right. She knew he had his secrets, but not once had she pressured him into revealing what they were. She saw beyond and knew exactly what he was capable of, but let him come to terms with it by himself.

_"You never know, Smallville. Maybe someday when you crack open that piggy bank, you'll find that you weren't saving for a bike. You've actually been saving for a Harley."_

She hadn't been mentioned anybody, had used some vague terms, but in her own unique way, Lois had nailed the very thing that had made Clark afraid. She addressed it in her usual 'I could care less about this crap' flair, but for all her bluster, she had been the one pillar of support he could always rely on. He felt he was going to end up alone and she had grown up alone. They couldn't have been more right for each other.

Right then and there, Clark knew one thing: Home was in her arms.

"I have one less reason to be afraid now..." he murmured as he stood up and walked to the kitchen.

Lana looked up, watching Clark and the way the sunset streamed through the windows to play along the muscles that stretched his shirt. He'd barely whispered those words but she had heard and knew he was speaking the truth. He stood taller, his back suddenly straight and his shoulders relaxed -- the picture of a real superhero.

**  
_Kiss me goodbye for love's mystery  
All of my life I'll hold you close to me_**

"That's how I want to remember you," she said, moving to stand and picking up her suitcase. "We've taken our first steps into different futures, Clark. Let's live with a real purpose from now on."

He said nothing as he turned to look at her, still trying so hard not to break her heart, even as she was breaking her own. Words were left unspoken, but she saw everything she needed to see in his eyes.

Regret.

Understanding.

Relief.

Their last kiss was bittersweet, the hug he gave her threatening to shatter the last bits of her resolve. The pain of letting go had never been so excruciating, but neither had she expected such a sweet release. Clinging onto familiarity and habit had blinded both of them for so many years, had filled everyone else's lives with so much pain. And there was only so much other people could take with such selfishness inflicted on them.

She looked into his eyes, her heart swelling as she caught a glimpse of the anxiety and hope that swirled in those depths. He smiled at her then, a beautiful, honest, open smile -- one that she had never seen when they were together.

It was enough to take her breath away.

Then he spoke, gratitude overflowing in his voice, even as it shook slightly.

"Thank you for letting me go..."

**  
_Won't shed a tear for love's mortality  
For you put the dream in my reality_**

The ceremony is over, the congregation erupts in loud cheers and amidst the joyous shouts, she smiles.

It couldn't have been a more perfect ending for all of them.

He was standing at the altar, his arms encircled possessively around his bride's waist as he kissed her with a gentle reverence that spoke volumes of how much he cherished the woman in his arms. He'd never looked so handsome and so sure of himself in the suit, the dark blue silk of his tie complementing his own eyes that were brimming over with barely-controlled emotions. The bride looked ethereal, drawing gasps from everyone as soon as she had entered. He'd kept his gaze focused solely on her, his chest rising and falling in time to the steps she took down the aisle and it wouldn't have mattered if the world crashed around them as he couldn't stop smiling at her.

She had smiled back at him, her eyes shining with unshed tears. Too long they had danced around each other, afraid of the possibility that their love could fade before it had even begun. But that had all changed with one step. It was always the first step that was the hardest to take, but it was what set destiny in motion.

He was in a happy place, with no eyes for anybody else but his wife.

And Lana Lang smiled as she watched them walk down the aisle and out of the church into their new life together.

Clark Kent and Lois Lane, each of them a missing half of one soul finding its way back home.

Hazel eyes met hers and she found herself holding her breath as Lois smiled at her. A warm, sincere smile, silently wishing her happiness of her own.

**_Kiss me goodbye for love's memory  
You put the dream in my reality_**

Before it even registered, a bouquet had gone sailing through the air, landing in her hands.

And when she looked up, the world had never made much sense as it did in that moment.

She had done her part.

It stung a little to realize that she wasn't the one who could share Clark Kent's destiny, but Lana Lang would never regret that she had been a part of shaping it.**_  
_**

**  
END**


End file.
